Childhood scenes of shame and fear surfaced — PHOENIX is excavating the roots

Day before yesterday I played a loop. Yesterday night, before falling asleep, my mind drifted into various scenes from the past, from my early years. These scenes I believe, have played a major role in shaping how I am today. Unfortunately, in all the scenes that automatically popped up, I was either drowning in shame or choking in fear. From a helpless 3 year old hiding under the sheets when his parents were fighting, to a 4 year old Pre-Schooler who always settled for the last toy that was left on the table, to a 5 year old Kindergartener who couldn't stand up to a bully half his size. I think the first scene played the biggest role and the latter scenes sealed the boy inside a Doom cycle.