PHOENIX gave me terrifying clarity — I can see what I actually want versus what I forced myself to pursue

This title frightens me almost with how much clarity I have gained from it so far. For a long time I was more or less convinced that in order to be successful I had to pursue everything I thought I wanted. That's so fucking exhausting. It feels like for me becoming more content means most often not doing those things. It's having restraint to know when something is a necessity for growth or just a random desire. For someone with severe ADHD this is huge. I did this with pursuing higher education as well. I honestly thought I wanted to go back to school but I now know I really didn't. I should have known when I would continually have this feeling like I didn't belong there. I do know that a few of my relationships ended because I was dealing with serious undiagnosed depression and at the time I didn't have the awareness or resources on how to deal with it. I was fighting something within myself without realizing it and making myself and others unnecessarily miserable.